I lay in bed, endeavouring to go to sleep, when suddenly I had a revelation:
I must not think of myself self-pityingly as "still waiting" (sigh), but rather must be still, waiting. This is the direct command of God:
Be still, and know that I am God. (Ps. 46:10a)
Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. (Ps. 27:14)
The difference between "still waiting" and "still, waiting" (besides the sigh) is one tiny comma, yet it makes all the difference to the state of my heart. The first action is being still. Instead of running around frantically looking for a husband because "I'm getting older and I'm all alone and all my friends are getting married, etc." I must place myself in a place of resting on the Lord. To the inaction of being still is added the command, "and know that I am God." It is not "Be still. Know I am God." But "Be still, and know that I am God." The conjunction "and" joins these two things together--they are coupled--stillness is necessary to know God. We must commune with Him in the stillness of our hearts. This means that our hearts must be emptied of the outside world, of our petty idols, "things," so that we have space to worship.
The first word "still" is in company (not joined) with another word, "waiting". The words are divided by a comma, they are not a phrase, but two separate words. Waiting in the Lord is not the anxious waiting of an expectant father in the hospital, pacing down the halls, wondering when, if ever, the contractions will be over and his wife wheeled down to the delivery room to birth their child; rather, it is, as I have quoted earlier(see Dec 7th entry),
"Steadfastness, that is holding on;
patience, that is holding back;
expectancy, that is holding the face up;
obedience, that is holding one's self in readiness to go or do;
listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear."
(S.D. Gordon from Quiet Talks on Prayer as quoted by Elisabeth Elliot in Passion and Purity)
Steadfastness is perseverance in the face of trial or inaction. Patience is withstanding the temptation to help God along (like Abraham, like Rebecca). Expectancy is hope and confidence that the thing desired will be given and faith that God answers prayer. Obedience is not merely adhering to "Thou shalt not," but also the willingness to answer "Yes, Lord" to the "Thou shalt"'s. Listening is silence of the heart under the shadow of God's wing, and includes being "still", but it is being still "so as to hear". We cannot hear God's still, small voice if we keep banging on pots and pans, trying to get His attention. We must cut out the racket and be still, wait for Him to answer us. But we do not have to do it alone, for the psalmist confesses in the rest of Ps. 27:14, "be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thy heart." God gives us strength to do His will. But He is also a God who rewards faith in Him, as Jeremiah testifies,
The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.
(Lamentations 3:25)
Christ Himself promises that "...all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."(Matt 21:22)
I ask for Christ-centred stillness and silent waiting on His will.
Wednesday, 10 January 2007
Tuesday, 9 January 2007
My Galahad
Self explanatory, I think.
My Galahad--a virgin knight,
His face with lordly honour bright--
Each day he fights the Fight of Fights,
Unending battle for the right.
A princely man, the bravest swain,
He does not quail tho' there be pain;
Thought treachery may bring him gain,
That path he spurns, tho' he be slain.
Tho' evil men against him rail,
He will not heed them or grow pale.
He searches worlds to no avail
Finding only in God, his long-sought grail.
My Galahad--a virgin knight,
His face with lordly honour bright--
Each day he fights the Fight of Fights,
Unending battle for the right.
A princely man, the bravest swain,
He does not quail tho' there be pain;
Thought treachery may bring him gain,
That path he spurns, tho' he be slain.
Tho' evil men against him rail,
He will not heed them or grow pale.
He searches worlds to no avail
Finding only in God, his long-sought grail.
Sunday, 7 January 2007
Always--Matt Dusk
Can I have a moment of your time
And leave this far behind
Can you find the time to take a chance
Just walk with me tonight
Even though the rain must fall
Baby that will pass
Listen to the words I say
I've saved them just for you
You're safe with me tonight
And Always
As sure as this full moon
And Always
Lets sit around and shed those lonely tears
While days turn into years
Even though the rain must fall
Baby that will pass
Listen to the words I say
I've saved them just for you
You're safe with me tonight
And Always
As sure as this full moon
And Always
Nothing lasts not the good times or the bad
They all just become the past
Sometimes your heart can turn on dime
What made you cry will one day make you smile
You're safe with me tonight
And Always
As sure as this full moon
You're safe with me tonight
And Always
While on the subject of being given things, I should include these lyrics which come from a song of the same name, on a CD entitled "Two Shots" by the Toronto Jazz singer, Matt Dusk.
I was really blue, in a real "Mood Indigo," one night, feeling lonely and teary and everything a single girl feels when she's overtired and awake at one in the morning. I was sitting on my bed, watery-eyed (and I don't cry that often, if you would believe it!), and listening to Matt Dusk's rather melancholy CD. I was asking God for help to go on, wondering why I was/am still single and feeling oh-so-lonely, when this song came on. Now I'd listened to this CD quite a few times before and never particularly noticed this song, but that night, it became mine, my love song from God.
God was asking for me to really spend time in relationship with Him and reminding me of His constant protection. The assurance and love was overwhelming and I just broke down in full out sobs of gratitude (and I don't cry that often, remember). And I have to remind myself that His love is surer than the "full moon" since He is the one who created it in the first place.
Even now I can feel the love, the true LOVE, that came to me through this song. It was one of the most moving experiences of my entire life!
And leave this far behind
Can you find the time to take a chance
Just walk with me tonight
Even though the rain must fall
Baby that will pass
Listen to the words I say
I've saved them just for you
You're safe with me tonight
And Always
As sure as this full moon
And Always
Lets sit around and shed those lonely tears
While days turn into years
Even though the rain must fall
Baby that will pass
Listen to the words I say
I've saved them just for you
You're safe with me tonight
And Always
As sure as this full moon
And Always
Nothing lasts not the good times or the bad
They all just become the past
Sometimes your heart can turn on dime
What made you cry will one day make you smile
You're safe with me tonight
And Always
As sure as this full moon
You're safe with me tonight
And Always
While on the subject of being given things, I should include these lyrics which come from a song of the same name, on a CD entitled "Two Shots" by the Toronto Jazz singer, Matt Dusk.
I was really blue, in a real "Mood Indigo," one night, feeling lonely and teary and everything a single girl feels when she's overtired and awake at one in the morning. I was sitting on my bed, watery-eyed (and I don't cry that often, if you would believe it!), and listening to Matt Dusk's rather melancholy CD. I was asking God for help to go on, wondering why I was/am still single and feeling oh-so-lonely, when this song came on. Now I'd listened to this CD quite a few times before and never particularly noticed this song, but that night, it became mine, my love song from God.
God was asking for me to really spend time in relationship with Him and reminding me of His constant protection. The assurance and love was overwhelming and I just broke down in full out sobs of gratitude (and I don't cry that often, remember). And I have to remind myself that His love is surer than the "full moon" since He is the one who created it in the first place.
Even now I can feel the love, the true LOVE, that came to me through this song. It was one of the most moving experiences of my entire life!
“For we walk by faith, not by sight...” 2 Corinthians 5:7
My soul is shod in faith
With grace as guarantee,
And I am safe where e'er I go:
My Jesus walks with me.My soul walks weary miles
Upholden by his arm;
His rod and staff are in my hand,
I will not come to harm.My soul does dance in joy
And stumbles when in grief,
But though the road dust blinds my eye,
God helps my unbelief.My soul is shod in faith
With grace as guarantee,
And I am safe where e'er I go:
My Jesus walks with me.Feb. 19, 2004
I wrote this poem a while ago (as the date beneath it testifies), but felt I needed to add it to my blog. This is the form it is supposed to be, rather than that in the side bar, but...I cannot figure out how to get it set up properly, so...
Anyway, this poem was really given to me. I woke up that February morning and was lying in bed, when suddenly, the first verse began running through my head. I hurried to write it down and the rest of the poem just kind of fell into place. Only then did I find the scripture reference. This was the first time this ever happened to me. Most of my poems evolve from meanderings born out of a desire to write at least something!
Refined
Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction. Isa 48:10
For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard. Ps. 22:24
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed into a corner any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers: And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left. Isa. 30:20-21
It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. Ps. 119:71
Affliction is a tool of punishing, but also one of teaching. God's people suffer in the world because they, as C.S. Lewis pointed out, were made for another world. We don't belong here. We are "strangers and pilgrims on the earth"(Heb 11:13) and as such, we do not have a place of our own, a place to hunker down in and stay put. Nothing here on earth can fill the place of God. We are temples of Christ here on earth, but we must abide in Him as well. (Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. John 15:4) We are to be anchored in Christ. Our sustenance comes from the Vine: He is the One with roots, we are the wanderers, who find our place in Him.
Too often we attempt to fill the God-shaped hole in our hearts with things, be they people, money, possessions, sports, food, or, in my case, books. God commands us to worship Him alone, forsaking idols. When we do, we will grow in grace under God's protection and produce fruit.
Ephraim shall say, What have I to do any more with idols? [And God says] I have heard him, and observed him: I am like a green fir tree. From me is thy fruit found. Hosea 14:8
I've been doing a lot of reading lately and the thing that keeps coming up is the fact that having possessions and having a desire for certain things is not wrong, rather it is when we begin treating them like the answer to our emptiness that they become our idols and stumbling blocks. A. W. Tozer puts it this way, in his book, The Pursuit of God:
There is within the human heart a tough fibrous root of fallen life whose nature is to possess, always to possess. It covets `things' with a deep and fierce passion. The pronouns `my' and `mine' look innocent enough in print, but their constant and universal use is significant. They express the real nature of the old Adamic man better than a thousand volumes of theology could do. They are verbal symptoms of our deep disease. The roots of our hearts have grown down into things, and we dare not pull up one rootlet lest we die. Things have become necessary to us, a development never originally intended. God's gifts now take the place of God, and the whole course of nature is upset by the monstrous substitution.
It is difficult, since very often these things are comfortable and comforting, a refuge from the blows of the world. Just like a child must give up sucking his thumb/soother (or face the inevitable laughter of his school mates), we must give up these false comforters and find our Refuge in the true Comforter. Sometimes, it is necessary to cut ourselves off entirely from these things (Ephraim shall say, What have I to do any more with idols?) in order to break our dependence on them. We may be able to reintroduce some things back into our lives, but we have to be aware that it will easy to fall back into old habits. The old nature is, as Joanna Weaver says in her book Having a Mary Spirit, our default mode and when we "crash" (as we will do--we're not perfect after all), it will be the program that turns up most often.
However, we do not have to do this on our own--indeed, we cannot--God places the will and the strength in our hearts to divorce ourselves from these petty "lovers." In C.S. Lewis's The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Aslan tells Eustace, who has, through loving dragon hoard, turned into a dragon, that before he can enter the pool and become human again,"first you must undress"--remove the dragon scales that cover him. Eustace scrapes away gamely, but each layer removed reveals another underneath. Finally, Aslan offers to help him and Eustace accepts (remaining afraid of the Lion's sharp claws). The skin Aslan pulls off is much thicker than those Eustace had shed by himself and it hurt when it was removed.
The same thing happens when we scrape away at our old nature, we take away single layers, but God can remove much more with a single "claw"-- affliction -- in any guise Him choses. Not everyone requires a world-shattering tragedy to remove their dependence on "things." God uses affliction in our lives to refine us,burning away the dross in our lives in "the furnace of affliction." God knows how much we can stand and He will adjust the "temperature" to our individual requirements.
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted [also can be translated "tested"] above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1Cor 10:13
God also uses affliction to guide us and bring us closer to Himself.
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed into a corner any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers: Isa. 30:20
If we, instead of complaining, humble ourselves under His Hand and allow God to show us His working, we will see how "all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28). And He will not leave us alone to struggle on blindly, but "will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: [He] will guide thee with [His] eye" (Ps.32:8). Not only will He guide us with His eye, but He will speak to us in a "still, small voice"--
And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left. Isa. 30:21
We may not be aware at the time how God is working, but we may be sure that His purpose is to our future good--we have already been redeemed, now we are just waiting for our Husband to come and take us home.
For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard. Ps. 22:24
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed into a corner any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers: And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left. Isa. 30:20-21
It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. Ps. 119:71
Affliction is a tool of punishing, but also one of teaching. God's people suffer in the world because they, as C.S. Lewis pointed out, were made for another world. We don't belong here. We are "strangers and pilgrims on the earth"(Heb 11:13) and as such, we do not have a place of our own, a place to hunker down in and stay put. Nothing here on earth can fill the place of God. We are temples of Christ here on earth, but we must abide in Him as well. (Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. John 15:4) We are to be anchored in Christ. Our sustenance comes from the Vine: He is the One with roots, we are the wanderers, who find our place in Him.
Too often we attempt to fill the God-shaped hole in our hearts with things, be they people, money, possessions, sports, food, or, in my case, books. God commands us to worship Him alone, forsaking idols. When we do, we will grow in grace under God's protection and produce fruit.
Ephraim shall say, What have I to do any more with idols? [And God says] I have heard him, and observed him: I am like a green fir tree. From me is thy fruit found. Hosea 14:8
I've been doing a lot of reading lately and the thing that keeps coming up is the fact that having possessions and having a desire for certain things is not wrong, rather it is when we begin treating them like the answer to our emptiness that they become our idols and stumbling blocks. A. W. Tozer puts it this way, in his book, The Pursuit of God:
There is within the human heart a tough fibrous root of fallen life whose nature is to possess, always to possess. It covets `things' with a deep and fierce passion. The pronouns `my' and `mine' look innocent enough in print, but their constant and universal use is significant. They express the real nature of the old Adamic man better than a thousand volumes of theology could do. They are verbal symptoms of our deep disease. The roots of our hearts have grown down into things, and we dare not pull up one rootlet lest we die. Things have become necessary to us, a development never originally intended. God's gifts now take the place of God, and the whole course of nature is upset by the monstrous substitution.
It is difficult, since very often these things are comfortable and comforting, a refuge from the blows of the world. Just like a child must give up sucking his thumb/soother (or face the inevitable laughter of his school mates), we must give up these false comforters and find our Refuge in the true Comforter. Sometimes, it is necessary to cut ourselves off entirely from these things (Ephraim shall say, What have I to do any more with idols?) in order to break our dependence on them. We may be able to reintroduce some things back into our lives, but we have to be aware that it will easy to fall back into old habits. The old nature is, as Joanna Weaver says in her book Having a Mary Spirit, our default mode and when we "crash" (as we will do--we're not perfect after all), it will be the program that turns up most often.
However, we do not have to do this on our own--indeed, we cannot--God places the will and the strength in our hearts to divorce ourselves from these petty "lovers." In C.S. Lewis's The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Aslan tells Eustace, who has, through loving dragon hoard, turned into a dragon, that before he can enter the pool and become human again,"first you must undress"--remove the dragon scales that cover him. Eustace scrapes away gamely, but each layer removed reveals another underneath. Finally, Aslan offers to help him and Eustace accepts (remaining afraid of the Lion's sharp claws). The skin Aslan pulls off is much thicker than those Eustace had shed by himself and it hurt when it was removed.
The same thing happens when we scrape away at our old nature, we take away single layers, but God can remove much more with a single "claw"-- affliction -- in any guise Him choses. Not everyone requires a world-shattering tragedy to remove their dependence on "things." God uses affliction in our lives to refine us,burning away the dross in our lives in "the furnace of affliction." God knows how much we can stand and He will adjust the "temperature" to our individual requirements.
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted [also can be translated "tested"] above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1Cor 10:13
God also uses affliction to guide us and bring us closer to Himself.
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed into a corner any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers: Isa. 30:20
If we, instead of complaining, humble ourselves under His Hand and allow God to show us His working, we will see how "all things work together for good to them that love God" (Romans 8:28). And He will not leave us alone to struggle on blindly, but "will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: [He] will guide thee with [His] eye" (Ps.32:8). Not only will He guide us with His eye, but He will speak to us in a "still, small voice"--
And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left. Isa. 30:21
We may not be aware at the time how God is working, but we may be sure that His purpose is to our future good--we have already been redeemed, now we are just waiting for our Husband to come and take us home.
Wednesday, 3 January 2007
Take Me
Encompassed in Almighty arms,
Aglow with new life.
Feeling golden, transparent. Alive. And at peace.
Rocked in the long grass,
Face down in the sky,
Open, vulnerable, and glad for it.
O Lord, tear through my thickened veil and take me.
And I will take you to me for a people, and I will be to you a God: and ye shall know that I am the LORD your God, which bringeth you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.
Ex. 6:7(emphasis mine)
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
1 Cor 13:12(emphasis mine)
Aglow with new life.
Feeling golden, transparent. Alive. And at peace.
Rocked in the long grass,
Face down in the sky,
Open, vulnerable, and glad for it.
O Lord, tear through my thickened veil and take me.
And I will take you to me for a people, and I will be to you a God: and ye shall know that I am the LORD your God, which bringeth you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.
Ex. 6:7(emphasis mine)
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
1 Cor 13:12(emphasis mine)
Emotional Boundaries
It is important for us as single people to set boundaries on our emotions, as the writer of Proverbs says, "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life" (Prov. 4:23). We must guard our hearts carefully or we will end up giving bits of them away.
Our emotions belong first and foremost to God, then to ourselves, family and friends. We give them. They are not taken from us and we are not owed anything for giving them--we give them as a gift. We do not need to feel obligated to give them out willy-nilly. We must not prostitute our emotions. It may seem crude to put it that way, but so often (in my case anyway) we waste our affection on "puppy-love" relationships and infatuations that go nowhere. And when these infatuations finally die off, we find ourselves looking for another place to dump our affections, only to discover we are again wasting our time, our love. We have invested a part of our hearts in the "relationship", reciprocated or not, and we can't get it back.
We are not heart whole anymore. Every time our "crush" dies, part of our heart dies with it. We have emotional hang ups that can last our life time.
It is right to desire a relationship with a "Significant Other," God created us with longings for a soul mate("It is not good that the man should be alone" Gen 2:18), but it is not right to begrudge others their relationships and the affection that that involves. As a single person, we must give our whole heart to God. Our affection is not to be engaged elsewhere--especially not brooding and being discontent with the situation God has set us in.
Our job as a single person is to keep our emotions unattached until God brings us into contact with our future spouse. This, of course, depends on His will regarding our lives: if we are meant to be single, we will be. We cannot try and "help" God to find us a soul mate. We need to take our lesson from Abraham, and not try and fulfill God's promises for Him (ie. Hagar and Ishmael).
We must wait in God, place our trust in Him. This does not mean we are waiting for something, such as proof that our waiting for a Significant Other will pay out in the end. We must wait and trust that He will do what is best for us--not that He will do what we think is best for us.
Oswald Chambers said (My Utmost for His Highest), that the first type (waiting for a sign) of "[w]aiting for God is incarnate unbelief, it means that I have no faith in Him; I wait for Him to do something in me that I may trust in that.... It is a question of faith in God--the rarest thing; we have faith only in our feelings."
This is such a common trap. We cannot rely upon our feelings--they are much too fleeting. We cannot place our hope in another mere human. We need Someone more to have real faith in or we are lost. We will drown in the surf of our surging emotions if we do not have a Rock to cling to in their midst.
But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, "Lord, save me!"
And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"
Matt 14:30-31
And yet God works in us, despite our questioning and doubts. We must be careful that we are not only buoyed up by our feelings, but by true faith and trust in Christ.
Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised).
Hebrews 10:23
Our emotions belong first and foremost to God, then to ourselves, family and friends. We give them. They are not taken from us and we are not owed anything for giving them--we give them as a gift. We do not need to feel obligated to give them out willy-nilly. We must not prostitute our emotions. It may seem crude to put it that way, but so often (in my case anyway) we waste our affection on "puppy-love" relationships and infatuations that go nowhere. And when these infatuations finally die off, we find ourselves looking for another place to dump our affections, only to discover we are again wasting our time, our love. We have invested a part of our hearts in the "relationship", reciprocated or not, and we can't get it back.
We are not heart whole anymore. Every time our "crush" dies, part of our heart dies with it. We have emotional hang ups that can last our life time.
It is right to desire a relationship with a "Significant Other," God created us with longings for a soul mate("It is not good that the man should be alone" Gen 2:18), but it is not right to begrudge others their relationships and the affection that that involves. As a single person, we must give our whole heart to God. Our affection is not to be engaged elsewhere--especially not brooding and being discontent with the situation God has set us in.
Our job as a single person is to keep our emotions unattached until God brings us into contact with our future spouse. This, of course, depends on His will regarding our lives: if we are meant to be single, we will be. We cannot try and "help" God to find us a soul mate. We need to take our lesson from Abraham, and not try and fulfill God's promises for Him (ie. Hagar and Ishmael).
We must wait in God, place our trust in Him. This does not mean we are waiting for something, such as proof that our waiting for a Significant Other will pay out in the end. We must wait and trust that He will do what is best for us--not that He will do what we think is best for us.
Oswald Chambers said (My Utmost for His Highest), that the first type (waiting for a sign) of "[w]aiting for God is incarnate unbelief, it means that I have no faith in Him; I wait for Him to do something in me that I may trust in that.... It is a question of faith in God--the rarest thing; we have faith only in our feelings."
This is such a common trap. We cannot rely upon our feelings--they are much too fleeting. We cannot place our hope in another mere human. We need Someone more to have real faith in or we are lost. We will drown in the surf of our surging emotions if we do not have a Rock to cling to in their midst.
But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, "Lord, save me!"
And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"
Matt 14:30-31
And yet God works in us, despite our questioning and doubts. We must be careful that we are not only buoyed up by our feelings, but by true faith and trust in Christ.
Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised).
Hebrews 10:23
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